Understandably Questionable Circumstances
by CuttlefishRock
Summary: An account of why Sirius was found in bed with his best friend's heavily pregnant wife one morning by his lover and his best friend in completely innocent, but understandably questionable circumstances. JPxLE SBxRL
1. Why is love intensified by absence?

**Hello readers ! (hopefully) ****Hope you are well, and I hope you hang around to read this little fic, and if you like it, reviews are appreciated!**

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, not mine. All belongs to JKR. Praise her.

* * *

><p>"Sirius, why <em>precisely<em> are you in bed with my wife?" James Potter demanded, one hand on his hip, while the other held his wand.

* * *

><p>Lily Evans was never particularly close to James Potter in their youth. Fact.<p>

In truth, it could be said that she hated him.

Though this is untrue now, no one can deny that they were unfriendly before.

Of all the marauders, Lily was closest to Remus Lupin, despite his 'furry little problem'. He shared her views on the importance of working hard, provided very intelligent conversation for her, and had a... goodness about him which made him very easy to be with.

Peter Pettigrew was friendly enough, but not quite bright enough for Lily to share many interests with. Still, at least he tried to work hard, despite being constantly in his fellow marauders' shadows, and for that, Lily respected him, and tried to help in any way that she could.

Sirius Black was certainly bright enough, and though his pure-blood status and accompanying arrogance was off-putting to begin with, he soon distanced himself firmly away from his family, so much so, that he was eventually disowned. Though his mind was firmly set against Black, his aristocratic good looks and manner he retained, and used much to his advantage. Overall, Lily both admired and disapproved of his rebellious personality, and so kept her distance from Sirius. However, since he embarked on a relationship with Remus, she warmed considerably to him, especially when she saw how happy he made her werewolf friend.

James Potter. He was like Sirius in many ways: pure-blood, a trouble-maker, and very proud. Though not quite as good looking, he still had a charismatic charm which was a siren to girls everywhere. Unfortunately for them, though, his attentions were fixed wholly on one Lily Evans, who was very resistant to his attempts to seduce her.

Eventually, though, in their seventh and last year at Hogwarts, James and Lily finally put aside all ill-feelings, and got together, much to the marauders' relief, for James was becoming quite unbearable in his pursuit.

When they left Hogwarts, they moved in together, and married soon after, happy and content. Little more than a year later, Lily fell pregnant with their first child.

All of the marauders, plus Lily, were working earnestly with the Order of the Phoenix, and though she took a step back during the later months of her pregnancy, James still often went on missions to help towards their cause.

During these times when he was away, Lily often stayed with Remus and Sirius, who shared a flat not far away. Likewise, when Sirius was away, Remus usually went to the Potters'. When Remus was away, however, Sirius stubbornly remained in the flat -pacing- until Remus returned, and then Sirius would shrug and declare that he had had the best night's sleep ever, and that Remus should bugger off more often.

It was their method of dealing with absence, and it wasn't questioned until the morning after the night before.

* * *

><p>A short jab at the buzzer next to number 51.<p>

Almost instantly, there was a curt, "What?"

"It's Lily, let me up."

Sirius buzzed her in.

She didn't bother knocking on the door to the flat, as Sirius had highly disliked the practise, stating that if you had been buzzed up, then there was no point in making him aware of your presence again within the next minute.

So, she carefully opened the door, and edged into the dark room. "What's your aversion to light?"

A snort came from the corner of the room, where Sirius sat on a futon. "What's the point in seeing if there's nothing but nothing to be seen?" Still, Sirius cast a non-verbal spell, and all of the candles in the vast room ignited. "How's Lily and Pronglet?"

"Lily's fine, thank you," said Lily, with a smile. "And _baby_ is irritable and kicking lots. How's Sirius?"

"Sirius is all right, but Padfoot misses Moony."

Lily carefully sat down on one of the big floor cushions, and glanced around the bohemian flat. It was a curious mixture of Sirius' luxurious tastes, and Remus' affection for curious, shabby little findings in charity shops.

The only furniture were three low coffee tables; antiques, with little scribbles and doodles on the discoloured wood. On the tables were many mismatched, ornate candlesticks, and overflowing ashtrays, and several teacups, glasses, and an occasional potted plant.

Piles of newspapers and many, many books were stacked up, leaning against the walls, which were covered in a mixture of photographs and posters, so much so, that the colour of the wallpaper could no longer be seen. A large mirror was next to the door to the flat, but was mostly covered in post-it notes; some concerning groceries, some informing of visitors, some reminders of dates and times of Order meetings, but most were from Sirius to Remus, informing him of his thoughts of the time.

To one side of the room was a kitchen area, which consisted of an oven, a sink, and a kettle. The draining board was covered in empty bottles and cans, but no dishes. The door next to the kitchen led to the tiny bathroom.

"Is this another Jekyll and Hyde thing?" Lily inquired.

Sirius stared out of the only window. "Full moon tonight. Moony will miss Padfoot."

"Why is Remus out tonight?" Lily asked, shocked.

Sirius lit a cigarette with slightly fumbling fingers. "Infiltrating some werewolf gang."

"Christ... what if he hurts someone?"

Sirius tilted his head slightly, and removed the cigarette from his mouth to exhale the first bit of smoke. "That's why Prongs is there."

"James didn't mention," murmured Lily, mildly irritated.

Sirius shrugged. "Prongs can handle Moony, but I wish I was there." He contemplated the burning tip, and took another puff.

"They'll be fine," Lily assured him.

"Hmm." He looked to her, and then quickly stubbed the cigarette out. "Sorry, Lils, you should have reminded me."

"Reminded you of the rather large infant in my womb?"

"Indeed," said Sirius seriously, but the corner of his mouth turned up in a half-grin. "I'm sorry. I'm being awful company. Would you like a cup of tea?"

"A cup of tea would be lovely."

Sirius contemplated just flicking his wand, but instead decided to stand up and make it Muggle-style. He walked over to the kitchen area, poured water into the kettle, and switched it on. "Do you take sugar?"

"No, thanks."

"I think Remus is the only person I know to take sugar in his tea." Sirius located two clean mugs, and added a teabag to each.

"Mr Sweet Tooth."

Sirius smiled fondly. "Shall we break into his 'secret' chocolate stash?"

"On your head be it," said Lily.

Sirius reached on top of the fridge, and brought down an apparently-empty egg-box. On further inspection, he pulled out a bar of Honeydukes finest, and passed it to Lily.

The kettle finished boiling, and Sirius splashed the hot water into the mugs, followed by a dash of milk. He handed one to Lily, and sat down on the floor cushion next to her with his own mug.

She took a sip. "You're meant to take the teabags out, Padfoot."

"Ah. Always forget that." Sirius twirled his wand in the direction of her mug, and the offending object rose from the tea, and dropped into an ashtray. "Rem nearly choked the other day. He makes his own tea now. Says he doesn't trust me with it."

"There are worse things for him to not trust you with."

Sirius hooked his own teabag from his mug with his fingertips. "Indeed. Will you trust us with the Pronglet when it finally emerges?"

"If you behave," said Lily.

Sirius just smirked. "A marauder baby. A Pronglet. Who'd have thought?"

Lily smiled. "Well, the odds of a Moonfoot are minuscule, and Wormy's still single."

"Can you imagine a child raised by me and Rem? Merlin, it would be the most learned, attractive, brilliant trouble-maker in Hogwarts. And a werewolf to boot."

"Maybe not, actually," said Lily, thoughtfully. "I don't think the werewolf gene is inherited from parents."

"Even better," said Sirius, "because if the Moonfoot in question was female, then she would have to deal with two time-of-the-months. The teenage years would be terrible."

Lily glared at him steadily.

"And if Moonfoot was a boy, then he would have to endure the time-of-the-month jokes just like Rem... I don't know how he loves me despite them. I mean, I still tease him. Mercilessly. I leave tampons on his pillow on the night before full moon." Sirius paused. "Maybe that's why he keeps putting them in my tea..."

"Maybe you should each make your own tea," suggested Lily, sipping at hers with little enthusiasm.

"But I like to make him breakfast in bed sometimes," said Sirius. "It's not proper breakfast without a hot beverage to accompany it."

"Coffee?"

Sirius wrinkled his nose. "Rem alternates terribly between how he likes it. I could never get it right on a daily basis."

"He always has black when he comes to our house."

"He always complains that it tastes like battery acid when he comes home."

Lily stared at him. "Really?"

"I've said too much," said Sirius, quickly looking around for a change of subject. "Have you heard from Wormtail lately?"

"He came to dinner yesterday."

"Nice of you to invite me and Remus," said Sirius, pretending to be offended.

"James tried to," said Lily, dryly. "You were... otherwise engaged."

"Us? You must be mistaken. When alone, Rem and I simply knit, sip tea, and debate politics. No sexual activities ever occur."

"I'm sure."

"In fact," said Sirius, "I'm a virgin."

Lily nearly choked on her tea. "Of course you are."

Sirius paused. "Ah. You... Susanna Tumble..."

"Broom closet, fifth year, yes. I remember it... vividly."

"Apologies." Sirius took a sip of tea. "Rem is, though."

"Mary Pluckle."

"That bitch..." Sirius muttered, rolling his shoulders in disgust. "It was not consensual..."

"For her, or him?"

Sirius looked at her like she was quite mad. "For my Remus! I'm not defending that little slag's honour-"

"Sirius."

"-cornering my Moony-"

"Sirius."

"-my poor, defenceless Moony-"

"Sirius!"

"-sticking her whoring tongue down his throat-"

"You're being petty."

"-BAH!"

"Done yet?" Lily inquired.

"I hate to think of her grubby little hands all over him. Violated!"

"Sirius."

He sighed heavily. "Give me some of that chocolate."

Lily smiled, broke off a line, and threw it to him. He caught it effortlessly, and devoured it in two bites. "You're meant to savour it."

Sirius let out a bark-like laugh. "Nah; chocolate's for chomping. Or for drizzling over willing sexual partners..."

"Stop it. Eew."

"Oh, come on, Eva- I mean Potter. Lily. You're not exactly a blushing virgin – you're pregnant, for Merlin's sake."

"Doesn't mean I want to think about you covering Remus in chocolate."

"I don't want you thinking about that, frankly," said Sirius. "That's for my mind only."

"Right. No more over-sharing. Deal?"

"Perhaps. I might find something interesting to share later. For now, I shall sip my tea like a good Catholic Hufflepuff." He demonstrated.

"Have you ever been in the Hufflepuff common room?" Lily inquired.

"Once or twice," said Sirius, with a reminiscent grin. "Carly Simons. But she was before Remus... Anyway, the common room was kind of like I expected it to be: glitter, glue, and safety scissors. No euphemisms."

"Seriously?"

"Siriusly," said Sirius, with a grin.

Lily grimaced.

"I know, it's getting old... But who calls their kids this stuff? Sirius? Remus Lupin?"

"Besides the Serious joke, I quite like your name. The dog-star. It's fitting."

"Yeah, yeah," muttered Sirius. "And I get the Remus/Romulus thing, but... Lupin? Loopy Lupin? It's cruel."

"Lupine: wolf."

"Still... It's just begging for jokes."

"And he did seem a little... loopy... to begin with."

"He did not!" said Sirius, instantly defending his lover. "He always looked utterly perfect, and acted perfectly, and had a perfect arse-"

"I seem to remember you asking him in first year whether 'no offence, but are you all there?'"

"Quit remembering shit, Ev-Lily."

"Siriusly?" she checked, cheekily.

"Piss off."

Lily laughed, placed a square of chocolate into her mouth, and allowed it to melt slowly on her tongue.

"Any names for the Pronglet yet?" Sirius inquired, finishing his tea, and setting his mug down on a coffee table. His hand hovered over a pack of cigarettes next to the ashtray for a moment, before he settled on picking up the plastic Muggle lighter instead. He flicked it on, and then left the flame go out. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

"James is convinced it's a baby boy," said Lily, with a roll of her eyes.

"So, _Pronglet_ is a possibility?" Sirius inquired, hopefully.

"No."

"Hmph."

"Maybe _Harry_."

Sirius nodded approvingly. "Good, strong name."

"Glad you approve," said Lily. "You'll be godfather?"

Sirius blinked. "M-Me?"

"Of course. Who else?"

"Remus. He's the... sensible one. No one in their right mind would trust me with an infant. I'd corrupt it with a glance."

Lily laughed. "Sirius, you know fully well that James is just as bad as you."

"That's a glowing compliment, Lily."

She smiled. "You're his best friend."

"Rem-"

"You're forgetting wizarding law, Padfoot," said Lily. "Remus cannot legally be godfather."

"Bastards," muttered Sirius. He glanced apologetically at Lily's baby bump. "Sorry for my language, Pronglet."

Lily sighed. "Besides, if anything were to happen to James and I, you and Remus will presumably still be together, so... think of it as co-godfathering."

"That simply is not a word."

Lily shrugged. "It's fitting."

Sirius grinned. "Me, godfather? Wow..."

Lily smiled. "Whatever you put in your tea is going to your head."

"Milk? Yes, I heard it's a hallucinogenic."

"Big word."

"Living with Remus is getting to me," Sirius confessed, indicating the piles of books surrounding them with distaste.

"I had noticed," said Lily.

"Hmm?"

"Well," she said, "in Hogwarts, he used to wear your clothing all the time-"

"We chopped and changed," acknowledged Sirius, "but that was our system, even with Prongs and Wormtail. The dormitory was a free-for-all. You see clothing on the floor, you shake it, you size it up, you sniff it. If it's clean-ish and fits, you put it on. If it's dirty or doesn't fit, you return it to the floor."

"Charming. Anyway, the only things of his that you wore back at school were his boxers, his woolly hat, and his scarf. He wore anything of yours."

"He was a bit shorter than me. And scrawnier. His school trousers were too tight on me. And how do you know that he borrowed my boxers?"

"Call it intuition," said Lily, dryly. "Now, you essentially share a wardrobe. Everything."

"His fashion sense has improved since school," said Sirius.

"Who's shirt are you wearing?" Lily inquired of him, eating another piece of chocolate.

Sirius looked down. "Er... this was a Moonfoot purchase."

"And jeans?"

"Rem's jeans – they've got a hole in the knee."

"And he's still an inch shorter than you?" Lily said, testily.

"Yep."

"So you wear odd socks to compensate."

"And bike boots."

"The waistcoat?"

"That's mine," said Sirius. "Rem doesn't like this one. He says that when I wear a white shirt with it, I look like a funeral director. You know that's a Muggle _job_?"

"Yes, Sirius. I'm Muggle-born, remember?"

"Ah. Yes."

"And who owns the blazer?"

Sirius looked down at the murky brown pin-striped blazer he was wearing. "Rem bought this for me, even though it's more to his taste than mine. I like my leather jacket."

"I haven't seen you wear that leather monstrosity in about six months."

"It's been more blazer weather than jacket..."

"My case closes." Lily finished.

"Woman. This is why I'm Remusexual." He held out his hand for another chunk of chocolate.

"Is that even an orientation?"

"Sure: I can appreciate beauty in both sexes, but I'm only truly attracted to my lover-boy. He has his own category: straight, bi, gay, a, Rem. He's that good."

"Over-share."

Sirius made a strange noise. "I could be far more graphic."

"No, thank you."

He grinned, and then yawned widely.

"Sleepy?" Lily inquired, with a smile.

"Perhaps. Didn't get much sleep last night; Rem was home."

"Ack."

"Hm. Siriusly, though..."

Lily snapped the last two squares of chocolate in half, and handed one to Sirius. "You don't deserve it."

"Cheers." He raised it in a mock toast.

After a few moments of quiet, Sirius stood up, and stretched his long body. He disappeared into the bathroom for a while, and reappeared wearing boxers and a long-sleeved grey cotton shirt belonging to Remus. "Don't judge me," he muttered, as he dived onto the futon, and scrambled around to get under the blankets.

"On the shirt or the swan-dive?" Lily inquired.

"Probably both. But mostly the shirt. But don't tell Rem about the dive. He says that the mattress springs take enough of a battering as it is."

"Over-share."

"I changed the sheets just this afternoon," Sirius informed her, "so you're welcome to join me."

Lily got to her feet, toed off her shoes, and hopped in next to Sirius. "Thanks for taking my mind off James being away," she said, after wriggling around to get comfortable.

"Likewise, Lily-flower," said Sirius, nuzzling his nose into her hair in a rather dog-like gesture.

"Night, Sirius."

Sirius extinguished the candles in the room with a flick of his wand. "Night, Lily."

**More? Leave me some notes. Cheers !**

_CuttlefishRock_

_xXx_


	2. We need jam and mustard, apparently

**Welcome back to another chapter ! We're 106 visitors in, with only one review [thank you for that :-)], three alerts, and two favourites! If you're enjoying this, then please leave a little more than footprints! Hope you enjoy it!**

Disclaimer: Again, not mine. All belongs to JKR. Praise her.

When Sirius awoke, he was pleasantly surprised to find his body feeling content and rested, opposed to its usual grumpiness at being torn away from the snuggly depths of sleep. He blinked twice, staring uncomprehendingly at the red haired head sharing his pillow.

He frowned at the sight of it, and the smell of it: Remus smelt like sunshine and pine-needles and chocolate and wolfishness, not coconut and flowers.

"Huh."

"Sirius, why precisely are you in bed with my wife?" James Potter demanded, one hand on his hip, while the other held his wand.

Sirius nearly jumped out of his skin.

James stood in the doorway -wand thankfully pointing to the floor- with an ill-looking Remus. Neither looked terribly impressed, but they were also thankfully unsurprised.

"We missed you," said Sirius, eyeing his boyfriend with growing concern. "Rem?"

Remus swayed slightly, gripping James' shoulder for support. "Fine. I'm fine."

"You certainly look it," said Sirius, removing a still-sleeping Lily from his person as he stood up. He could tell why their respective partners weren't impressed; they were tangled up quite thoroughly. He managed to get to his feet, and stepped towards his lover with something akin to caution. "Rem?"

Remus' grip on James' shoulder was causing his knuckles to go white. "Fine."

Sirius held out his hand to the werewolf, who looked at it curiously. Their fingertips touched, and then interlocked firmly; long, aristocratic fingers mingling with toughened, slightly dirty ones.

Remus grumbled contentedly low in his throat, and took a shaky step towards Sirius, who smiled faintly yet encouragingly. His eyes -more amber than their usual coffee brown- were slitted as they roamed Sirius' face and figure, finally coming to rest on their joined hands.

"Pads," Remus murmured, his eyes flickering up to meet the Animagus'. The hand that wasn't clasped in Sirius' moved to his shoulder to steady himself.

"Hey, Moony," said Sirius, realizing that the wolf was closer to the surface than usual; it was barely 5.30am, and the moon had only just gone. "You all right?"

"Moony hurt."

"I'm sorry, Moony," said Sirius, sincerely, tickling Remus' thumb with his own, earning a smile.

Remus made a noise in his throat again, but this time it was more like a whine.

"Come on, Moony. Sleeps." Sirius guided his lover down onto the largest floor cushion, and curled up with him upon it.

It was strange for James to see Remus -ever bookish, self-sufficient and slightly aloof from the other Marauders- look so vulnerable. He was always weaker after full moon, of course, but this was different from the times at Hogwarts.

At school, the most obvious sign of his post-moon exhaustion was that he occasionally snoozed during History of Magic, but every pupil did that. Even Lily did on occasion.

The teachers were sympathetic, knowing the cause of his tiredness, but the Marauders had all been terrified the time that Remus had nodded off during Transfiguration. Sirius had tried desperately to wake his dear friend up by throwing screwed-up paper at him, followed by quills. Unfortunately, the best that Remus could muster was a strange snort as he woke with a start, followed by a confused 'hmmmmm' when he found McGonagall peering down at him through her spectacles. Sirius winced with James and Peter, prepared for a tongue-lashing of Biblical proportions, and detentions lasting until the end of time... but then the Professor had tapped the teen werewolf's nose fondly, and Sirius thought that he had seen the corners of her thin lips rise just a touch.

This was different.

Remus was not simply sleepy, or had hurt himself somehow.

His face was of a man who had endured far, far too much. His eyes were filled with sadness, and his very posture was the picture of grief. His shoulders were huddled in on themselves, in complete contrast to his confident boyfriend's. His body was entirely too thin. Not skeletal, but certainly gaunt and pinched. True, Remus had always been on the slender side, but he was... shrivelled.

Strange, because he had always had a very sweet tooth, and always had a bar or five of chocolate in his pocket at Hogwarts. Even now, it was very rare for him not to carry a packet of sweets. Unfailingly, Sirius always made sure that there was a chocolate cake in the flat. Always.

The way he clung to Sirius was child-like, but there was also a canine touch in the way that he nudged his lover's arm with his head, trying to get Sirius to run his fingers through his hair. Sirius obliged, of course, as Remus -and Moony- had him very well trained by now.

Slowly, the werewolf's eyelids drooped, hiding the honeycomb irises, and Remus' long body relaxed against Sirius, who continued to rub his back in a soothing manner.

James silently boiled the kettle, and set to making tea.

"What happened?" Sirius asked, after five minutes of silence, so as to not disturb Remus' chance of sleep.

"What we expected, essentially," said James, handing his best friend a mug. He sat down opposite, on a different, smaller cushion. "Remus is friendly with a few of the other werewolves, so none of the others questioned his presence. They met outside, then went into a big building for a couple of hours. Then when they came out, they were all transformed. I ghosted Moony, but nothing happened out of the ordinary, and none of the others hurt any humans. They caught a rabbit, though, I think."

"Squirrel," Sirius corrected him, distastefully. "I wondered why he smelt funny."

"You can smell that?"

"Can't you?"

"When I was Prongs, yeah."

Sirius shrugged. "I've spent more time as Padfoot than you, I guess."

"Maybe it's the canine senses. I'm a humble herbivore."

"Perhaps." Sirius looked down at his boyfriend's sleeping face, and gently touched his fingers to the scratched scar across Remus' cheek.

Remus grumbled at him, but the sound was passive.

Sirius ruffled the caramel hair, and placed his hand on the werewolf's shoulder, the thumb rubbing soothing circles into the thin fabric of his shirt.

"Did you get anything useful?" Sirius asked James, after a while.

"Rem got into the building, so he'll be able to give us an account when he wakes up. That should be helpful."

"Good." Sirius observed the man nestled in his arms again. "Why does he look so awful?"

"Charming way to talk about your... ah..."

"Boyfriend. Lover. Bed companion. Sexy love muffin."

"... your partner, I thought was more appropriate." James finished.

Sirius raised an elegant eyebrow.

"Well..."

"The original question?"

"Was?"

"Why does he look like he's not only gone through a transformation, but also been in a motorbike crash, been splinched and hastily been reassembled, had a very close encounter with a swarm of Cornish pixies, been assaulted by a horny hippogriff, and had an encounter with me in a broom closet before Transfiguration?"

James stared at his friend for a while. "You have a terrifying imagination."

"Thank you."

"So very not a compliment."

"So why?"

"The presence of all the other wolves, I guess. Some sort of pack mentality?"

"They ganged up on him, you mean? Rem's not a_ runt_, is he?"

"No, he bloody isn't," James hastened to assure him. "But it was... peer pressure, I guess. Moony must have felt like he should be more wolf-like than normal. Also, he hasn't been able to run in such a big space for a while. Since Hogwarts, I mean."

"Hogwarts was safe... well, safer, for him to run around in."

James smiled fondly at the memory. "We were bloody idiots. Of course it wasn't safe. If Moony had turned on us, we would've been royally screwed... and not in the good way."

"I somehow doubt that Dumbles would have approved, either," muttered Sirius, sounding slightly uncomfortable.

"It made Moony happy, though. He was our priority."

"He still is mine," said Sirius, smiling softly at the man in his arms.

"How long does he usually sleep for now?" James asked, sipping at his tea.

"Most of the morning. He's up in time for lunch." Sirius frowned. "Do we have anything in the cupboards? I usually cook for him."

"I saw some mouldy bread somewhere... and an avocado in the fridge."

Sirius winced. "I knew I forgot to put something in the guacamole..."

James shook his head in disbelief. He stood up, and began to rummage through the fridge. "We have... three -no, four- varieties of mustard, half a tin of baked beans, an egg, peanut butter, half a jar of olives, balsamic vinegar, pesto, thirteen bottles of muggle beer, grapefruit juice, half a chocolate cake..."

He moved onto the cupboards. "A tin of tuna. Another two jars of mustard. Beans. Three more cartons of grapefruit juice. Teabags. Coffee. Herbal tea. Sugar. A bottle of firewhiskey."

He dared to look in the freezer. "Ice-cream. Two bottles of vodka."

He stared at Sirius. "This is bloody awful!"

"I know," said Sirius, sadly. "Neither of us like tuna. Or grapefruit juice. They were just on offer at the muggle store."

"Why did you buy them, then?"

"Because we didn't know that we didn't like them at the time of purchase, dolt."

"I like tuna," said James.

"Take the tinned fish!" Sirius begged him. "And the juice, please! Consider it a free gift."

"Right... What's with the mustard?"

"Pete gave it to us when we moved in. Everyone else bought us jam. What is it about us that makes people think; 'oh, they need jam'? And how did Pete misinterpret that as 'they need mustard'?"

"You two are very strange," said James.

"Do you like mustard?"

James wrinkled his nose slightly.

"Well, Rem hates it, and I only have it on sausages when we don't have brown sauce. Take the unopened pots, at least."

"Sure," said James. He gathered the strange collection of donated foods. "More tea?"

"Nah; I need to piss."

"So go and piss."

"And disturb my Remmy? Fuck off."

James grinned fondly at the unconventional Black and the peculiar werewolf in his lap. "I'm glad you two ended up together."

Sirius looked up at him; his long dark hair mingling with his eyelashes. "That's not what you said when we first got together."

"What did I say?" James inquired, unable to remember.

"'S-hur-rem-bleghur-trop-fuuuuuuu'," said Sirius, proud to have remembered every single syllable.

"Well, I was made aware of your relationship by finding you in the potions supply cupboard. You can't blame me for being incoherent while you two were occupied as you were."

"No excuse," huffed Sirius. "You were just jealous that I realized he was gay before you did. You missed your chance."

"Evidently."

"My Rem is beautiful!" Sirius announced, rather loudly, and Lily woke up, blinking sleepily.

"Sirius?"

"Morning, Lils. Tea? James, make the lady some tea. Rem has some herbal shit in the cupboard if you'd prefer some apple and cinnamon...?"

"That would be lovely," Lily said, through a yawn.

Sirius stared at James expectantly. "Well, I've got Rem on me. Toodle-pip!"

James stood up. "Don't 'pip' me, bitch."

Sirius gasped dramatically, and made a show of covering Remus' ears. "Such language around my innocent Remmy!"

"Piss off," muttered Remus, not bothering to open his eyes. He snuggled deeper into Sirius' arms. "Trying to sleep."

"I'll _Silenco_ them if they speak beyond a whisper," Sirius assured him.

Remus smiled softly, but said no more.

James passed a mug of fragrant tea to Lily, and pulled her down with him to sit on his lap.

"Any plans for today, then?" Sirius asked James and Lily.

"We were going to go and see Dumbledore with Rem, but obviously he's not up to it just yet," said James, wrinkling his nose at the fumes rising from Lily's mug.

"He will be later," Sirius assured him. "Can one of you pass me my wand?"

James reached over to one of the coffee tables, and gave it to Sirius. "You should keep that on you, mate. Remember Moody? 'Constant vigilance'."

"I could get to it if I really needed to, but Rem deserves his sleeps." He adjusted Remus' position in his arms slightly, and began to murmur healing charms over his sleeping form, watching with awe as wounds closed, blood stopped, and bruise-tinged skin returned to its usual paleness.

"He looks very thin," noted Lily, sounding concerned.

"I'll force some chocolate cake down his throat when he wakes up," Sirius promised her.

"Is that really the right nutrition?"

"It's full of calories, which will help him gain weight," he informed her. "And I never have to bribe him to eat it."

"You usually have to bribe him to eat?" James asked.

"When I've cooked it," said Sirius, cheerfully.

Lily rolled her eyes.

"True, though," mused James, running his hand through his already-mussed hair. "Remember the firewhiskey pancake incident?"

"It worked," Sirius defended.

"For breakfast. Before work. Eurgh."

"Rem put a sobering spell on you; I don't know why you keep bringing it up..."

"You vomited all over my shoes!"

"Oi! Keep it down!" Sirius snapped. "And it was minor damage. Nothing_ Scourgify _didn't fix."

"Besides the smell."

Sirius shrugged.

"Anyway, we're all yours for the day," said Lily, airily, leaning back into her husband.

"Marvellous... orgy?"

Lily fixed him with a steady glare that could kill a regular wizard.

Fortunately, Sirius could not be considered a regular wizard. "Oh, come on, Lilykins; you know you want a piece of this!"

"I most certainly do not."

"Now you're just insulted Rem's personal tastes. Rude."

"Plus, Sirius, mate, I'm straight," added James.

"Boring," muttered Sirius.

"So, if I were gay, you'd date me?" he inquired.

Sirius grimaced slightly, causing James to look offended. "You're a bit... you know...?"

"What?"

"Modish."

"_Modish?_"

"Shut up!"

"Remus is more of a mod than me!"

Sirius looked deeply offended. "He does not ride a fucking Vespa! He rides _me_!"

"Sirius!"

"And have you _ever_ seen Rem wear an Italian suit? _Really?_"

"Well, neither do I!"

Sirius considered. "That was the wrong word. I meant, you're... you're a bit socially correct to be with someone like me. And you're swanky."

"_Socially correct?_ We're the fucking _Marauders,_ Sirius! _Swanky?_ You're saying I have _swagger?_"

"Essentially, yes."

"Cheers. Warms the modish cockles of my heart." James buried his face into Lily's shoulder.

"Pansy."

"Piss off."

"So, would you date me?" Sirius demanded to know.

James looked up warily. "If I was gay, you mean?"

"Yeah."

He twisted his nose around. "You're too... exuberant to live with. High-minded, like."

"I take that as a compliment, but you didn't answer my question; would you date me?"

"Not for any length of time."

"Would I get into your pants?" Sirius inquired, mischievously.

"Lily, make him stop," James begged his wife.

"Just tell him, or he'll persist until you do," she advised, sipping her tea.

"No, you would not. I'd be afraid that you'd charm my balls into maracas."

Sirius grinned darkly.

"I don't want to know," Lily informed him, sternly.

Sirius laughed, and checked the clock on the wall. "What did we decide we were making for dinner?" he asked James.

"A tuna and mustard sandwich on mouldy white."

"Sounds delicious. Go to the shop for us, yeah?"

"What do you want?"

"Rem dipped in chocolate."

Remus blinked his eyes open. "Chocolate?"

"Moony has spoken," Sirius declared, summoning the chocolate cake from the fridge with his wand. "How are you feeling?"

"Starved." He glared at his boyfriend as he hacked off a slice of cake with his wand, and handed it to Remus.

"Eat."

Remus obliged.

"Maybe soup?" Sirius suggested. "Try and get lots of tins, so we can stock up. And get some nice bread to go with it. And cheese. And some chocolate for Moony. And another chocolate cake, in case we run out. A nice one, not the shitty one you bought us last time."

"Of course, Your Highness," said James, mockingly. He stood up, and bowed at Sirius. "Anything else, m'lord?"

Sirius consulted Remus, who was now covered in chocolate butter-cream. "Chips."

"Yes. Chips," said Sirius, enthusiastically. "The nice ones, from the chip shop; I think I broke the main part of the oven."

"Sirius!" Remus complained.

"I'll fix it later," Sirius said, breezily.

Oddly, Remus did not look reassured.

**Love/hate/indifferent/favourite quote/character? You know the button to press ;)**

**xXx**


	3. Isn't a toga just a frumpy dress?

**Welcome back to another [shorter] chapter, thanks for all the reviews, please keep them coming! **

Disclaimer: Still not mine. Bugger.

* * *

><p>James returned to the flat with his arms full of plastic carrier bags. His hair was rumpled quite excessively, as it usually was when he was stressed.<p>

"Honey, I'm home!" he announced, wandering into the flat as if he owned the place.

Remus looked better already – propped upright against Sirius' shoulder, wrapped up in several blankets. He had changed his clothing, and wore tartan pyjama bottoms and one of Sirius' expensive, but ridiculously cosy cashmere jumpers.

James ruffled the werewolf's hair before passing out his purchases to the informal circle of friends.

Remus fell upon the chocolate before Sirius could pinch a bit, and began to nibble at it discreetly, ignoring his boyfriend's requests for 'a line, a chunk, a square, anything?'

"Who wants soup?" James asked the room at large, as he finished passing out hot bundles of chips to each person.

"Did you buy tomato?" Lily asked him.

"Yes."

"Then please."

"I could perhaps devour a mug..." mused Sirius, as though he was doing James a huge favour.

"Soup sounds good, please," piped up Remus, around a square of chocolate. He all but growled at Sirius when he tried yet again to nick a square.

James opened four tins, and put them all in a pan on the hob to heat. In the meantime, he carefully packed away several tins and assorted groceries in the fridge and cupboards, along with a huge, delicious-looking chocolate cake, which Remus eyed appreciatively.

Once piping hot, James ladled the soup into four big, colourful mugs, and passed them out, along with big chunks of buttered French bread, and hefty slices of cheddar cheese. He sat down next to Lily, and dunked his bread into the soup, suddenly ravenous.

"Chips and soup," murmured Sirius, as he contemplated a greasy fried piece of potato, "what a marvellous combination."

"My mouth tastes like squirrel," announced Remus, sadly, as he assembled a make-shift chip butty.

Sirius kissed him quickly. "Mostly chocolate; you're all right."

"Glad to have your approval."

Sirius smiled, and tilted his head to rest it on his lover's shoulder.

Remus smiled softly at the contact, and nuzzled up to him a little more in response. He offered Sirius a chip, which was readily consumed.

"Are you going to see Dumbledore later?" James asked Remus, around a mouthful of cheese.

"He's coming over, actually," Remus replied, taking a sip of soup. "Didn't want me to exert myself on his behalf."

"Good," said James. "I mean, sometimes after the moon, you're far too tired to do anything. Wouldn't want you to splinch yourself."

Remus sniggered. "I have never splinched myself."

"There's always a first time," said Lily, wisely.

"And a second," piped up Sirius, "and perhaps a third. Sixth."

Remus kissed the top of Sirius' head affectionately. "Indeed. Not that anyone such as the heir to the Dust-Filled and Moste Creepy House of Black has ever splinched himself... seven times... after getting his license."

"Six!" Sirius protested.

Remus raised his knowing eyebrows. "The visit to Venice."

"I was drunk! And it was only my teeth!"

"Oh, so teeth don't count? You don't need teeth?"

Sirius sat up, subtly moving a touch away from Remus, who instantly missed the loss of contact.

"It was an easy fix," Remus corrected himself hastily. "No damage done." He edged his head onto Sirius' shoulder, and snuggled up to him again. He offered the rest of his cheese as a peace offering. Sirius accepted.

"Any idea what time Dumbles is coming over?" James inquired, after finishing his chips, and starting on Lily's.

"He said mid-afternoon," said Remus, nibbling at his bread.

"Unless he gets distracted by knitting patterns again," said Sirius, snidely.

"You hold a grudge well," noted James.

"I still haven't forgiven you for the pants incident."

"What?"

"When you strung a washing line of my boxers across the Great Hall. So very not funny."

James giggled fondly at the memory, which had involved much laughing and jeering from the students, and a rather confused Remus inquiring why Sirius owned 'big bad wolf' boxers which actually howled.

"I thought that was one of your tamer pranks, to be fair," mused Lily.

Remus settled back into Sirius' arms, mug of soup cupped in his hands. "Nicer than what you did to me on Fifth Year Halloween."

Sirius coloured guiltily. "Rem, babes, you lost the bet..."

"It was your fault that I lost it!"

"How come?"

"What bet was that again?" James queried.

"That he could get Wormtail a girlfriend within a week," supplied Lily, surprising the boys. "He couldn't, because Sirius hexed him so that Wormy's nose grew and started flashing green and purple whenever a girl walked within five metres of him."

"And the stakes were that we got to choose your Halloween costume," said James.

"The result being; a very cute, but very grumpy, and very fluffy werewolf," said Sirius, tickling Remus' nose. His hand was hastily slapped away. Sirius squeaked. "It gave the teachers a laugh, though."

"Deadpan expression all day, poking out of that grey onesie. Sirius was Dracula, I remember. I was Zeus." James pulled out his wand, and wordless produced a stream of harmless thunderbolts.

"I liked Halloween in SixthYear," mused Sirius.

"What happened then?" Lily inquired.

"Me and Sirius were Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee. Worms was Cheshire Cat. Rem was the caterpillar."

"Hookah spell," murmured Remus, demonstrating.

A fake smoke ring drifted lazily from the tip of his wand to the ceiling.

"That was Fourth Year," Sirius corrected him. "Sixth Year, you were a Hippogriff, Petey was Hagrid, I was Sid Vicious, and Rem was Hermes."

"Ah, yes," said James. "Leather pants and winged sandals. You two were very, very manly that Halloween."

"I had to improvise!" Remus objected. "I was going to be a pirate, but Sirius decided to experiment on my costume. I had three minutes, a sheet, and Lily's flip-flops to work with."

"Very good effort," Sirius admitted. "You have the legs for a dress."

"It was not a dress; it was a toga."

"Fine, you have the legs for a _toga_. Better?"

"Much."

"Why is that, though?" Sirius demanded. "Why can't men deal with pink and purple, or anything sparkly? Togas were quite popular, back in the day, and isn't a toga just a frumpy dress?"

"Pretty much," said Lily.

"You can wear a dress if you so desire," Remus informed his lover, placing his empty mug on the nearest coffee table.

"Whilst in-keeping with the rest of society? No way."

"Then stop complaining."

"I'm not complaining; I'm merely pondering," said Sirius, before breaking into a yawn. "Rem, are you sure you don't want to have a kip with me?"

"I'm fine," Remus assured him. "I'll catch up on sleep tonight." He snuggled deeper into Sirius' arms. "Without being rude, I think I may read for a little while. I doubt I'd be very good conversation, anyway."

"Go ahead, mate," said James, easily.

Sirius passed a well-thumbed paper-back book to the man nestled warmly in his arms, and received a sweet peck for his efforts.

Before long, it was like they had never left school.

James and Sirius were laughing as they loudly discussed Quidditch, strange spells, and their acquaintances. Lily was adding a little comment every now and again, but seemed quite content to simply listen to their nonsense talking. Remus was curled up in a tight ball, sleeping soundly, with his book clasped loosely in one hand.

There was a sharp buzzing sound, and Remus sat up, blinking rapidly.

Sirius glared at James until he stood up to answer it.

Judging by James' mumbles of 'oh, hi, professor', Dumbledore had arrived.

The elder wizard swept into the flat wearing long, purple robes, and smiled warmly at the occupants; eyes twinkling in their usual comforting way.

"How are you, Remus?" Dumbledore inquired, his tone sincere as he perched himself upon one of the floor cushions.

"Been worse," replied the werewolf, truthfully, as he played with Sirius' sleeve.

"And your findings, please?"

Remus screwed his face up. "We met outside, just before the moon-rise, and then we went into the building to transform. Cages. Horrible. Then they let us run free."

"Who?"

"Men. Death Eaters. They kept themselves behind a protective shield so that we couldn't touch them."

"Why cages? Why not just let you transform in the open?" Dumbledore mused.

Remus made an uncomfortable noise in his throat, causing Sirius to wrap a protective arm around him. "They hurt us."

Dumbledore frowned, as did James. "How so?"

"Called us names. Used the torture curse. Humiliated us."

"You're not going back there," Sirius murmured comfortingly, in Remus' ear, giving him a squeeze.

Remus nuzzled his boyfriend's shoulder, and looked to Dumbledore hopefully.

The elder wizard smiled softly, and produced a small glass bottle from the pocket of his vast robes. "If I could have a copy of the memory, Remus, I shall ask no more of you concerning this matter."

"I tried to focus on their faces for you," Remus informed him, using Sirius' wand to extract a long silver stream of memory from the side of his head. He deposited it into the vial, and settled back into Sirius' arms.

"Many thanks to you, my dear boy," said Dumbledore, tucking the memory away into his robes. "I shall leave you all in peace. Meeting next Wednesday, if you can make it. Six o'clock." Dumbledore stood.

"We'll be there," James assured him.

The great wizard smiled warmly. "Farewell, then. Stay safe." He turned and vanished in a swirl of white beard.

"Good old Dumbles," said Sirius, fondly.

* * *

><p><strong>Notes? xXx<strong>


	4. Oh, I could drink a case of you, darlin

**Welcome back to another chapter ! Thanks for all the lovely reviews! If you're enjoying this, then please leave a little more than footprints! Hope you enjoy it!**

Disclaimer: Again, not mine. All belongs to JKR. Praise her.

Sirius took up his violin from the corner, and as Remus stretched himself out, he began to play some low, dreamy, melodious air – his own, no doubt, for he had a remarkable gift for improvisation.

He dragged the bow across the strings of his violin very lazily, checking the tuning of the fine-boned instrument with little interest.

"You're such an aristocrat," Remus informed his boyfriend, from the floor, where he sat on one of the large cushions, trying to read.

"Is that an insult?" Sirius inquired, quirking a well-shaped eyebrow.

"Merely an observation," said Remus, mildly. "You strut around in that Sex Pistols t-shirt and all things leather, but it's all the finest quality because you're so upper-class. Your language is appalling, but you're technically very well-spoken. You spent the day joking around with James, but now you're serenading me with your violin. Talk about whiplash."

Sirius extended the bow, and gently prodded Remus's nose with the end. "You can hardly speak."

"Can't I?"

"You speak very correctly-"

"Because I don't feel the need to butcher the English language..."

"-and you essentially live in suits." Sirius plucked thoughtlessly at the strings with one hand; the notes disjointed and strange.

"The difference being that I buy my clothing from second-hand shops," Remus reminded him, nodding pointedly at Sirius's artfully ripped punk t-shirt.

"Well, you should venture out a bit, then," exclaimed Sirius, "seeing as you have a terribly aristocratic boyfriend who is willing to spoil you."

Remus laughed merrily at Sirius's exasperated efforts.

Sirius's face broke out into a smile, and he caressed the violin strings with the bow again, and began to play 'Anarchy In The UK' with gusto.

Remus looked up from his page. "What were you doing in that bathroom? You were gone for a good twenty minutes. And you didn't take the _Prophet_."

Sirius sighed heavily. "I was running you a bath, if you must know. Pip-pip."

"Are you insinuating that I smell?" Remus teased.

"Frankly, yes," said Sirius, flatly.

Remus's smile dropped. His eyes also narrowed.

"Well, you've been rolling around in some forest all night. All the mud's gone from your face because you've been snuffling into my shirt all day." Sirius lounged against the door to the bathroom with his arms crossed.

The corner of Remus's mouth raised slightly, and he turned down the corner of his page. "You're a real charmer, you know that, Black?"

"And you love me for it, snookums," replied Sirius, pulling the werewolf to his feet by his hand.

They embraced briefly, and Remus murmured his thanks into his lover's ear, before releasing him.

"Joining me?" Remus inquired, cheerfully, as he opened the door to the bathroom.

"Maybe in a bit," replied Sirius, with a playful wink. "Until then, I shall serenade you from out here."

Remus smiled fondly at the raven-haired animagus, before slipping into the bathroom. He closed the door, but didn't bother locking it. He grinned almost wolfishly at Sirius's efforts: the bathtub was 40% hot water, 55% bubbles, and 5% rubber ducks. He stripped off quickly, and eased himself into the bath, revelling in how perfect the temperature of the water was.

He examined a near-floating rubber duck, and found that it was a punk-themed one that Lily had purchased for Sirius the previous year.

Sirius had been utterly confused by the gift – what was the purpose of the yellow plastic? Why was it shaped like a cartoon duck? Why was he supposed to put it into a bath? Why were muggles so fucking strange?

Suffice to say, Lily had taken every opportunity to buy him new rubber ducks for every gift-giving occasion since.

Remus and Sirius were now proud parents of an army of rubber ducks.

Remus smiled fondly at the duck sat on his palm, and carefully returned it to the water, where it bobbed happily again. He leant his head back against the edge of the bath-tub, and closed his eyes.

A while later, Sirius edged into the bathroom, arms juggling his violin, a bottle of firewhiskey, two shot glasses, and a packet of cigarettes.

"Good evening, my love," said Sirius, setting the assorted items down atop the laundry basket. He disappeared back into the living room briefly; returning with a simple wooden chair, which he sat upon opposite Remus. He set himself to pouring out whiskey, and handed a shot to Remus.

Wordlessly, they consumed them at the same time, and grinned at each other.

Sirius passed the cigarettes to Remus, and picked up his violin again, picking out a tune which was grungy and elastic, his fingers furiously working the strings, though his face showed no strain from the effort.

Remus lit a cigarette, letting the smoke mingle oddly with the steam from the bath water and the bubbles.

Sirius smiled, and shifted off the chair and onto the floor, leaning against the pipe to the sink, his long legs stretched out.

"You're entirely too sweet to me after the moon," mused Remus, breathing in earthy smoke with relish. Muggles and their strange habits weren't so bad after all.

"You deserve it," replied Sirius, instantly, heartily. "You deserve more."

"Hardly," Remus scoffed; still unable to quite understand Sirius's utter, unwavering devotion to him.

"You don't see yourself clearly," said Sirius, "you need to stare into the mirror more often."

"I'm not so vain as you, Siri," smiled Remus, tapping ash into the water. "Or as pretty."

"I'm not pretty, I'm manly and handsome," Sirius corrected him; punctuating his words with a chirpy scale. "As are you." His tone left no arguments, and he launched into a rendition of 'Blue' by Joni Mitchell.

Remus listened to his boyfriend play for a while, smoking silently, before stubbing it out on the side. "James quoted her once."

"Hmm?" Sirius twiddled with a string, causing it to make the most curious sound...

"When you and I started dating. James and I were listening to the 'Blue' album, and he replayed the line: 'Go to him. Stay with him if you can, but be prepared to bleed'. He said that was what dating you was like. He was very distrustful of your intentions back then, wasn't he?"

Sirius snorted. "As though I'd fuck and leave you. Christ, he didn't have much faith in me, did he?"

"He does now, though," said Remus, mildly. He poured them more shots of firewhiskey.

Sirius took one, and tossed it down his throat with ease, before continuing to play. He settled easily into 'A Case Of You'.

Remus placed his newly-empty shot glass down upon the tiled floor, and settled down into the water again, eyes closed softly, listening to the comforting sounds of his lover playing him to a much-needed sleep.


End file.
